


but i’m slowly learning how to break this spell (and i finally see myself)

by Lilsciencequeen



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Adorable FitzSimmons (Agents of SHIELD), Domestic Fluff, F/M, Family Fluff, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Angst, Perthshire Cottage, Pregnancy, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, post 5x22
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-06-12 17:03:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15344421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilsciencequeen/pseuds/Lilsciencequeen
Summary: "I won’t,” he told her again, like he told her every night. “I won’t leave you. I’m here.” He pressed a kiss to her temple, a promise, a vow. He just wanted to show her that he meant it, that he wasn’t going to leave her. Not again.// A series of three, interconnected snippets exploring the lives of FitzSimmons post 5x22





	but i’m slowly learning how to break this spell (and i finally see myself)

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this forever and have finally finished it. I really hope you guys enjoy. Title from three by sleeping at last!

“Don’t ever leave me,” she whispered, her words lost in the fabric of his top, her tears already soaking it. “Please.” Her words were laced with sobs, heavy with tears. It was just after three in the morning, another nightmare having woken her again, had left her screaming into the night. It hadn’t taken him long to wake up, to pull her into his arms and hold her close.

It had been like this most nights, a nightmare scaring her awake whenever she tried to sleep. And he had been there every time, holding her as she sobbed, as she begged him not to leave her again. “I won’t,” he told her again, like he told her every night. “I won’t leave you. I’m here.” He pressed a kiss to her temple, a promise, a vow. He just wanted to show her that he meant it, that he wasn’t going to leave her. Not again.

It had been a number of weeks since they had left S.H.I.E.L.D., and a handful of months since they had awoken him from cryosleep, bringing him back to Earth several decades before he even thought he would have seen the team again. Jemma had looked… she had looked completely different when he had seen her, had lost a lot of weight and had heavy bags hanging under her eyes. Her skin was pale, not dissimilar to porcelain, like if she was subjected to enough pressure, she should shatter into a hundred thousand pieces. It sounded stupid, but he was scared to hug her despite the fact that he hadn’t seen her for so many months now, because he was scared that she would shatter in his hold. But that didn’t seem to occur to her, the thought not once crossing her mind as she ran to him, throwing her arms around him and collapsed into him, her sobs the only thing filling the room, her tears soaking his shirt. He didn’t have any time to react, to think about what was happening. He just knew that she needed comfort, that she needed this hug, so he wrapped his own arms around her, keeping her upright as her legs buckled under her and whispered reassurances that he was here, that he was okay. That she was going to be okay, that they were both going to be okay.

He hadn’t known until hours later that he had died, that the version of himself that had made it to the future had been crushed by a building whilst breaking a time loop, and that he was a second version of Fitz, one that existed outside of the time loop. One that would get to the future to find the team weren’t there at all. It was all so confusing, and he was still trying to wrap his mind around everything. But the thing that was most confusing was the fact that he was married to Jemma, that the two of them had gotten married and were now husband and wife.

Except, in a sense, he wasn’t married to her. No anymore. Not ever, because he wasn’t, he hadn’t married her. He hadn’t been the one to stand there and say vows to her, hadn’t been the one to tell her that he was the one who wanted to spend the rest of his life with her and he had no idea how to react to that. Had no idea what to say. He had tried to explain that he wasn’t this man that she had married, the one who had hurt Daisy and had performed some Han Solo rescue in the future to free her from some Kree dictator who had imprisoned her.

And she understood that, she knew that he wasn’t the same man that she had married, that she had lost, but she said that she still loved him, that she was still his Fitz, no matter what. That to her, it didn’t matter that he wasn’t the same Fitz who she had married, who she had the memories with because… because that Fitz was dead and she had come to accept that but this here, this was the cosmos giving them a second chance at their happily ever after and she wasn’t going to throw that away.

It took time, it really did to work out a relationship that worked for them, but once they reached that point, things just started to fall into place. They had gotten married once they both felt ready, once they had come to terms with who they were now and where they were in their lives. It was a simple ceremony, in a manor near where she had grown up, where her own parents married, with their friends and family, the people who mattered the most in their lives (and Jemma had managed to get him into a kilt, which she wasn’t complaining about). It was followed by a short trip to the Seychelles, their honeymoon and a chance to have some time to themselves, without the pressures of saving the word resting upon their shoulders. 

But that was months ago, they had now moved on, away from S.H.I.E.L.D., the organisation that had brought them together, but had also ripped them apart countless times. They couldn’t go through that, not again, not after all they had just gained.

“Tell me a story,” she whispered, her sobs easing as the horrors of her nightmare began to fade ever so slightly, her head still resting on his chest. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, the scent of her strawberry shampoo filling his nose. One of his hands rubbed her arm in the hopes to reassure her. His other hand came to rest on the slight swell of her stomach, of their unborn child who was just starting to make themselves known to the world. They had been a surprise, something that neither of them had been expecting but both of them were so excited to take this next step in their lives, to be parents, and Jemma’s hand came to rest on top of his, showing that whatever happened, they were in this together, like they always where. Like they always would be. “Please.”

And he did.

***

“She’s kicking,” Jemma whispered as his hands rested on her bump; his fingers calloused from years of working with machines, warm against her stomach. “I thought I felt her there. Kicking.” She looked at him, her eyes wide as she stared at him, watching, waiting until…

The soft fluttering in her stomach, like a hundred thousand butterflies dancing. His eyes widened in shock and his face softened as he smiled. “It’s…” he breathed, unable to believe what was happening right now. “It’s really happening.”

She laughed, a soft noise, light and easy because that’s what the last few weeks had been, light and easy. The nightmares, the terrors, for both of them, they were finally starting to fade. It’s not to say that everything was gone and they were better, it wasn’t, but they were getting there, they were taking steps in the right direction, even the small ones counting for something as Jemma often said. “It is.” She reached down and rested her hands on his, their fingers interlacing, their weddings rings side by side, glinting in the early summer light that was coming in through the windows, the white gauzy curtains blowing in the breeze.

For their wedding, they had gotten new rings, rings that were custom made by Fitz, a plain band for him (with her initials engraved on the inside, something that she didn’t know about until she presented him with it at the wedding) whilst hers where two small bands of silver woven together, representing the double helix of DNA. She still had the set that Deke got for them, the ones that the Fitz who hadn’t survived the loop had worn. She had offered to keep them somewhere safe, as a way of moving forward but Fitz had shaken his head, telling her not to. He’d got her a chain, and placed the rings on it before clipping it around her neck. “For you,” he’d told her, watching her reflection in the mirror as she had opened her eyes. Tears had begun to cling to her lashes, before starting to fall silently. “Those weeks, they were important to you and I know I’m not him, I’m never going to be him, but we’re both… we’re both Fitz, the Fitz you love and I’m not, you can’t erase that part of your past. You deserve to remember it. To remember him.”

But that had been months ago, just before they had gotten married but after settling on the rings. And she still wore the necklace to this day, she had worn it every day, a reminder of what she had lost but also what she had gained.

“Can I?” The two words, a soft question whispered, a ripple through the peace that had formed in the room. She nodded, not even needing to ask what he wanted to say. He pushed up the end of her jumper, exposing her stomach, and pressed his lips to it, kissing it. “Hi Monkey.” His voice dropped even lower as he spoke to her, feeling a more personal intimate connection now that there were kicks from the baby. “I can’t wait to meet you yeah, me and your mum, we’re both so excited to get to meet you, and you’re gonna have… you’re gonna, you’re gonna have the best mum. Ever.”

“And dad,” Jemma cut in, not wanting him to put himself down. She knew that he was still nervous about being a father, with his own experiences with his own father, and with the trauma that came from the Framework, the wounds, though healing, still fresh. “You’re going to be a wonderful father.” She knew that it would take time for him to believe that that was the truth, that he was going to be the best father that anyone could have, and that it would take actually being a father for him to see that. But she knew that it was true, just even seeing him here in this moment, it made her fall in love with him all over again.

Another kiss and then another whisper. “You’re gonna have the best life. I promise you. I love you.” A pause and Jemma reached over, caressing the back of his neck with her hand before moving up and playing with his curls. “We’re going to be okay,” he said, smiling up at her, speaking to her this time, and this time, the words that were spoken weren’t a question.

They were a statement.

***

“Hey,” he whispered as she came back to the world of the waking, her eyes opening slowly, taking in the room around her, at her husband sitting on the chair beside her bed, holding their daughter close to him, the new born fidgeting in his arms. “How are you feeling?”

A yawn escaped Jemma, something that couldn’t be helped. She was exhausted if she was going to be honest, labour, it was nothing like she had ever expected and it went on so much longer than she had expected but she had also never felt better. Having all this here, it had never been anything she had ever dreamed of having, but now that she had it, she didn’t want to change it, she never wanted to change it. “I don’t know, it feels odd, having all this. Being parents.”

He laughed at this. “I know it’s, I knew you’d be in my life a long time…”

“Just not like this,” she finished for him.

“Just not like this.”

Peggy, sensing that her mother was awake once more, began to cry, her hands, so small that it was almost hard to believe, clenching into fists and her face went red. “Here,” Jemma whispered, extending her arms to accept her. “I think she’s hungry.” She attempted to shrug off one shoulder of her nightgown, and finally succeeded with the help of her husband. It took a few attempts but she finally got her daughter to nurse, Peggy calming immediately. Jemma smiled at this, using her fingers to brush at the first few strands of hair that were already making an appearance. “Do you like that, yeah? You’re just like your dad. Always hungry and thinking about your next meal.” She gave a soft laugh but Fitz started to protest.

She fixed him with a pointed look as he tried to object to that. “Oh Fitz, you can’t deny that. You know what it was like when I was pregnant.” And he did know, how she had always seemed to be hungry, snacking away on anything and everything that she could, even forsaking her healthy eating rule that she had set out at the beginning of her pregnancy. There were many days when Fitz found her snacking on strawberries and pickles when he came home from work or having his mum’s chocolate chip shortbread in the middle of the night. He often joked that it was his genes that caused that, that they knew that it was his stomach that she had gotten. And he couldn’t object to her words, not with what it meant, not with the fact that they were now parents. Parents to a wonderful, beautiful baby.

When she was finished feeding, Peggy was winded by her mother, then started to get restless until Jemma helped her to sleep, rocking her back and forward in her arms, a soothing motion meant to help her sleep. It took a number of minutes for Peggy to get to sleep, for her breathing to even out, but she was soon asleep, in her mother’s arms this time. Jemma still continued to sing to her, a lullaby under her breath and it was on that moment Fits pushed himself up from the chair, sitting on the bed beside her. His arms wrapped around her, a comforting embrace that held her close. Her head rested on his chest, feeling the thump thump thump of his heartbeat, a steady and reassuring noise.

His lips pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “I love you,” he whispered. “I love you so much.”

At his words, she found herself speechless. It was the emotion that was in it, the tenderness of his voice that conveyed just how much that he loved her. “I know,” she finally replied, fighting back tears. “I love you too. And thank you.”

“For what?”

“For this. For everything.” She didn’t turn to look at him because she didn’t want to turn away from Peggy, she didn’t want to miss a moment, no matter how illogical it was. Having this here, it was too… it was somewhat overwhelming, something she never thought was possible but… but it was possible.

Because here they were, together, at the hospital, about to start their next journey together.

Building a family.

And she couldn’t be happier.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for checking out, I really hope that you enjoyed it!


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